Light up your face with gladness....

Ok....so let me get this out of the way first, because I know there are people out there who are dying to know...

I took my first ever solo vacation this past weekend. I went to the Jersey Shore...and it was so amazing and exactly what I needed.

And that's all I am going to say about that....so for now....please don't ask.

On the other hand, I had my first day of classes today, and I love feeling like I know what I'm doing.
Yea, I know it's because of last year, but having this type of confidence/comfort starting off will hopefully help me out long term this time around.

I, as always, have a lot on my head...things I'm thinking about walking away from, things I want to do more of, etc....

When I get where I'm going....

I had orientation for school and I'm excited but very nervous because I know what I'm in for, and I'm not as prepared as I had hoped I'd be. So we shall see how it goes...

However,

I am having medical issues again, and while I know me and how I tend to over-react, but....you just know when something isn't right in you're own body. I have some tests next week...and will hopefully know something before my vacation next week. In the mean time...I'm just trying not to run through too many "what-if" scenarios. So I apologize in advance if I'm a bit on edge or anything the next few days.....

In other news...my vacation is next Friday...and I'm still excited but now...I'm just planning on drinking my worries away (and yes...I know how bad that sounds....but it's been too long since I've had a life like that--it's allowed). I just hope I have fun...although I'm not expecting as much as I hoped.

I will update when I know more....but for now...it's just a "survival-ish" type mood.

there's an emptiness inside her....

I am a very confused woman these days.

I'm supposed to start school again.....but something doesn't feel right.

I want to have a life, but I feel like I'm forcing myself to go to nursing school for everyone but me. I've never been an academic person and, while I like helping people, I don't feel like it's really right for me. I just can't picture it.

I do want to be successful and have things, but I want to be happy. And right now I can't see nursing doing that for me.

I know I need to look at the bigger picture but I also feel like every time I take a step towards being a nurse something gets in the way or happens to stop me. Because I'm me I can't help but think that events like that are for a reason....

Maybe God/the universe/whatever is trying to tell me not to do it.


It just doesn't feel right

She's always buzzing just like Neon......

It's been a week since I've started my "transformation" and I know I have not been doing as well as I can, especially in the past few days. One of my friends has a planned diet for me, and I've been trying to workout everyday, but unfortunately life gets in the way and messes up my plans as usual.

Before I say anything else, I want to say thank you to those who say I look fine as I am, I do appreciate it, and I am flattered, but I'm not happy.

At the end of the day I need to be able to look in the mirror and smile at who I am and how I present myself, and right now, that's not happening. I KNOW I can be more than I am, my biggest problem is that I don't have patience to wait for the changes to happen...which is another demon I need to conquer.

It will get there, I know it....my issue is that I gave myself a 30 day deadline and I can just FEEL it creeping on me faster than I expected it too.

I just want to impress people when my deadline hits....more importantly I want to impress myself...because at the end of the day...that's the person I have to answer too.