What the Hell....

I offically detest work...

Let me explain...

I <3 my job...I <3 getting to entertain/interact and help people where I have grown up. I <3 the privileges and great things she gets to do...I have a gotten a lot of once in a lifetime experiences, gotten to meet people she never would have (famous and not) and it has honestly changed my life in so many ways.

I would never take it back but I just wish I wasn't so frustrated with it. I'm slowly becoming the person I swore I wouldn't...that I didn't want to become. Bitter and resentful.

It's not okay.

But I don't know how to change it...at all.

I know I'm good at this....I know I'm dedicated....and I have learned a lot in my time here but it sucks that this is a male-driven profession.

I have been here for 4 years...but there are baggers just starting at Price Chopper that make more than me. *Not knockin' that job...I did it for 5 years**
I don't want/need to be rich. I just want to be able to pay my bills, put gas in my car, buy groceries and be remotely self-sufficient.


I don't think that's asking a lot at all.

Short of sleeping with someone, or having surgery to become a guy I don't know what else may help me....and that is what frustrates me more than anything. I always said I'd be true to myself, but I feel like being who I know I am is leading me down a dead end with no hope for advancement...it's killing me...

I feel like I'm running out of options at this point. I don't want to walk away...it hurts even thinking about that...but I don't know what else to do.


I especially don't want to do so before St. Baldrick's in April...


I just feel that at this point in my life I shouldn't have to be antsy for a tax refund to make sure I can live.


<3

Loves every second of every day

I'm applying for new jobs.

Working 40+ hours at my part-time one, not getting any recognition, or appreciation for any of it...plus...I can't survive...and it's embarrassing.

I love it...but it's not working anymore.

So, I've sent my resume out to a few places, seriously cut back on spending and am just hoping something changes before we have to move...since a new job may seriously effect our apartment options.

I am very happy still but I have been blocking out some things I need to handle but I just don't have the money to do it.

On another, slightly more pleasant note my boyfriend is now my drill instructor. He's making sure I run 6 days a week...for about 40 minutes. Today will be day 4, yesterday was my day off, and I'm nervous. I ran 5 miles on day 1, 4 on 2 and didn't even hit 3 on day 3....I need to get back on track and do this the right way..I know my body can handle it...I just need the push to stick with it.

Here's hoping I can get down to my goal weight...or closer to it with this!

I guess that's it for now.

<3