I dig every second....

Well hello there! How have you been?
I hope you're well...I know it's been almost a full freakin' year since I've been here...so I guess it's only fair that I explain why/how/and what brought me back...

Since June of 2011---here's a run down..

I got engaged to the man of my dreams at the end of March 2011...we still live together, sort of (more on that later)...I quit my job at Albany Broadcasting and have been a sales assistant with Clear Channel Media & Entertainment ever since July 2011--not my ideal job...but it makes the time go by for the time being.

In September of 2011...my man--enlisted in the US Army....yup...he's a soldier--in March of 2012 he went to basic training and is currently doing his job specific training...and will be living 2,000 miles away until September when he graduates---at least at this point that's the information we're working with.
Up until September...and even a bit after that, we were planning our dream wedding--sort of...we hadn't picked a date, or location, or even figured out what kind of wedding we both wanted...but we were doing a lot of talking about it.

That being said...because of his impending ship date, financial stress, future communication and other issues...we made a decision...a big one....

On December 23 2011 we became husband and wife!

It wasn't our dream ceremony--nothing fancy---but I married the man I love, the man of my dreams---and it was perfect.

He still wants to have our dream wedding..and we will...however since we don't know what the Army has in store for us...it's very hard to say exactly when.

Ok--more on the Army stuff..

My husband (saying that never gets old!) is going to be a combat medic--he hopes to serve on the front lines--which does scare the crap out of me--but I do/will support what he wants to do. I know he can take care of himself and he is going to be an amazing medic.

This means that once August/September gets here---I'll be packing up our little house and moving...hopefully out of New York State.

I cannot wait to go...we could be moving across the country, overseas....anywhere.

There's also a huge chance he will be deployed within the year. That's some thing we most likely will not know about until after the Presidential election in November.

I'm learning how to have more patience, lessen my need to control things, and work on me. I'm also, very slowly, learning to control my emotions. That has been the hardest part of this whole process---he's been gone for almost 3 months...I saw him for a few days at graduation but it's very likely he will not be coming home again.

It's a little scary but it's exciting!

I'll have more later :-)

~K

Feel the rain on your skin...

I was enlightened the other day that I have, almost completely, stopped blogging.

As YOU can tell by today's date and the last time I've posted...well..yea..it does seem that way doesn't it?

I've realized that I've just been really busy living my life.

I am NOT saying that those people that blog every since day are not living their lives....I'm saying that I have found someone I can vent to..vent like I used to in my blog (and if you don't believe me, read some older posts!).

Engaged life is good....I <3 it a lot.

The explaining certain aspects of the engagement to dumb people--not so fun.


We are taking our time with things...although we don't want to...I guess that's considered the "Responsible" thing.

I'm hoping on a new job...hoping lol

And just enjoying my new life!

A lot can change in a few months huh?

What the Hell....

I offically detest work...

Let me explain...

I <3 my job...I <3 getting to entertain/interact and help people where I have grown up. I <3 the privileges and great things she gets to do...I have a gotten a lot of once in a lifetime experiences, gotten to meet people she never would have (famous and not) and it has honestly changed my life in so many ways.

I would never take it back but I just wish I wasn't so frustrated with it. I'm slowly becoming the person I swore I wouldn't...that I didn't want to become. Bitter and resentful.

It's not okay.

But I don't know how to change it...at all.

I know I'm good at this....I know I'm dedicated....and I have learned a lot in my time here but it sucks that this is a male-driven profession.

I have been here for 4 years...but there are baggers just starting at Price Chopper that make more than me. *Not knockin' that job...I did it for 5 years**
I don't want/need to be rich. I just want to be able to pay my bills, put gas in my car, buy groceries and be remotely self-sufficient.


I don't think that's asking a lot at all.

Short of sleeping with someone, or having surgery to become a guy I don't know what else may help me....and that is what frustrates me more than anything. I always said I'd be true to myself, but I feel like being who I know I am is leading me down a dead end with no hope for advancement...it's killing me...

I feel like I'm running out of options at this point. I don't want to walk away...it hurts even thinking about that...but I don't know what else to do.


I especially don't want to do so before St. Baldrick's in April...


I just feel that at this point in my life I shouldn't have to be antsy for a tax refund to make sure I can live.


<3

Loves every second of every day

I'm applying for new jobs.

Working 40+ hours at my part-time one, not getting any recognition, or appreciation for any of it...plus...I can't survive...and it's embarrassing.

I love it...but it's not working anymore.

So, I've sent my resume out to a few places, seriously cut back on spending and am just hoping something changes before we have to move...since a new job may seriously effect our apartment options.

I am very happy still but I have been blocking out some things I need to handle but I just don't have the money to do it.

On another, slightly more pleasant note my boyfriend is now my drill instructor. He's making sure I run 6 days a week...for about 40 minutes. Today will be day 4, yesterday was my day off, and I'm nervous. I ran 5 miles on day 1, 4 on 2 and didn't even hit 3 on day 3....I need to get back on track and do this the right way..I know my body can handle it...I just need the push to stick with it.

Here's hoping I can get down to my goal weight...or closer to it with this!

I guess that's it for now.

<3

Walk on the ocean....

It's been almost 3 MONTHS since I've written last...wow!

Life has been busy...and taken a LOT of drastic changes...

1st--No longer in nursing school. Lots of reasons behind it...but basically I was pretending to be something I'm not.

2nd-I do A LOT of radio things now...and I <3 it...just wish I got paid more for it.

3rd-I moved out of my parents house and in with my amazing boyfriend :-) Yes...I know it seems fast, but when it happened...I didn't really have any other options. It wasn't ideal or planned...but we're making it work.

4th--I'm the happiest I've ever been in my whole life.


Life, as crazy as it has been these past few months, is also perfect. I mean...sure some things could be better...it would make things easier...but I'm okay with it right now.

I also am doing the Gold's Gym Challenge...which isn't going as well as I would like...I've been slacking on my own part too much...and recent stress isn't helping. Since I'm house sitting for my parents this week I'm trying a fresh start...I have just about a month and a half left...so I HAVE to kick it in full gear!

I am singing on stage this Friday night...and I mean at a place where AMAZINGLY talented people have been performed...and granted it's only 1 song, but still...I NEVER would have imagined I'd actually get to do this!!

Oh..and ST. BALDRICK'S ALBANY 2011 is in full PLANNING MODE!! APRIL 10TH 2011-Savannah's in Downtown Albany--BE THERE!!! :-)


That's my current life in a nutshell....more to come I'm sure...I have to get back on track with doing this on a more constant basis. Topics/questions/etc are always welcome from you of course--so I hope to hear from YOU as much as you hope to hear from me! ;-)

~K

We’ve been singing Billie Jean, Mixin’ vodka with caffeine....

Lately I've been going through some annoying personal stuff...mostly involving the guys (or lack there-of) in my life.

That being said, I know that right now I really shouldn't have anything remotely serious in my life...despite how much I may want it. I also have been interested in various guys, for various reasons I cannot really explain.

I am a believer that everyone comes into my life for a reason, no matter how long or short their time may be. Because of that belief I try really hard to take advantage of my gut feelings about people so I can get whatever experience I can from them.

With all of this I recently told a friend of mine about the guy(s) I was interested in getting to know better and she told me not too. Then asked if I was interested because I am lonely.

Now, knowing this friend, I wasn't offended or anything...as I know she only means the best, however I started thinking...why would a mid-20 something woman being interested in different guys mean she lonely and not just looking to date?

I need to have new people in my life....does that classify me as being "lonely" or just looking for a new opportunity?

I just cant't get the idea out of my head that being lonely is a bad thing...


In other news...

My nursing classes are over....2 finals to get through and the semester is done.

Also...

It's been a rough week that has me wondering...why is it that only when someone is dying or close to death do people step up and help them experience the life they dream of?

I'm not, in ANY way knocking down the people that do that...because it is an amazing thing...

But why does it take the possibility of death to get people motivated?

I know I'm naive, but I would really hope that people could treat other that well because that's how life should be...perhaps it's me trying to get in the holiday spirit...but just imagine how much different everyone's lives would be if we all helped someone else, stranger or otherwise, live the life they dream of...

~K

The rest is still unwritten.....

I have to say something...

I am a work-aholic.

I know I work a lot. I thrive off it. It's a bad addiction.

I know that when I'm at work and doing what I seem to do well I "fake it with confidence" very well. I like having responsibility, doing things for others and learning.

There's a reason for it.

For why I stay busy.

I can't handle being alone.

I don't know what to do with myself, my thoughts...me.

I know I'm not happy with my life, I'm no where NEAR where I'd be by this point.
I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks, and while I know to a lot of people it's young, but as my little brother says---YOU'RE OLD!!!

I would at least like to be on my own, not living in the garage above my dad's man-cave. I would like to have a career I could survive on and someone special in my life.

I know those are pretty typical complaints of twenty-somethings all over but to me...well it's a lot.

I feel like I'm finally getting slightly more comfortable in my own skin, but there's definitely something missing.

I keep thinking I know what "something" is but when I think I figure it out and fill it....it's still empty.

I hate being alone...I told you that right?