We’ve been singing Billie Jean, Mixin’ vodka with caffeine....

Lately I've been going through some annoying personal stuff...mostly involving the guys (or lack there-of) in my life.

That being said, I know that right now I really shouldn't have anything remotely serious in my life...despite how much I may want it. I also have been interested in various guys, for various reasons I cannot really explain.

I am a believer that everyone comes into my life for a reason, no matter how long or short their time may be. Because of that belief I try really hard to take advantage of my gut feelings about people so I can get whatever experience I can from them.

With all of this I recently told a friend of mine about the guy(s) I was interested in getting to know better and she told me not too. Then asked if I was interested because I am lonely.

Now, knowing this friend, I wasn't offended or anything...as I know she only means the best, however I started thinking...why would a mid-20 something woman being interested in different guys mean she lonely and not just looking to date?

I need to have new people in my life....does that classify me as being "lonely" or just looking for a new opportunity?

I just cant't get the idea out of my head that being lonely is a bad thing...


In other news...

My nursing classes are over....2 finals to get through and the semester is done.

Also...

It's been a rough week that has me wondering...why is it that only when someone is dying or close to death do people step up and help them experience the life they dream of?

I'm not, in ANY way knocking down the people that do that...because it is an amazing thing...

But why does it take the possibility of death to get people motivated?

I know I'm naive, but I would really hope that people could treat other that well because that's how life should be...perhaps it's me trying to get in the holiday spirit...but just imagine how much different everyone's lives would be if we all helped someone else, stranger or otherwise, live the life they dream of...

~K

The rest is still unwritten.....

I have to say something...

I am a work-aholic.

I know I work a lot. I thrive off it. It's a bad addiction.

I know that when I'm at work and doing what I seem to do well I "fake it with confidence" very well. I like having responsibility, doing things for others and learning.

There's a reason for it.

For why I stay busy.

I can't handle being alone.

I don't know what to do with myself, my thoughts...me.

I know I'm not happy with my life, I'm no where NEAR where I'd be by this point.
I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks, and while I know to a lot of people it's young, but as my little brother says---YOU'RE OLD!!!

I would at least like to be on my own, not living in the garage above my dad's man-cave. I would like to have a career I could survive on and someone special in my life.

I know those are pretty typical complaints of twenty-somethings all over but to me...well it's a lot.

I feel like I'm finally getting slightly more comfortable in my own skin, but there's definitely something missing.

I keep thinking I know what "something" is but when I think I figure it out and fill it....it's still empty.

I hate being alone...I told you that right?

I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold...

I thought that since it's been a couple weeks I'd write a decent update for you...and there's a lot of good this time around :-)

1st--

School is going great! I gave my first shot on an actual person and nothing bad happened! I am still nervous about a lot of things but I'm getting more at ease which is great. I'm just trying to stay focused for a few more weeks then I can take a break :-)

2--

I'm singing for the first time in public this weekend. I don't mean karaoke or anything like that. Skeeter Creek, this pretty awesome local country band,is having a Halloween Party and invited me to sing with them, which I think is VERY brave since they've never heard me before! It was going to be just one song, but as of this morning, there's now a duet added to it! Which is VERY VERY exciting for me (cause I've always wanted to do this) but soooo scary! I'm just hoping my voice sounds ok...I know that it used to be decent...but it's not the same anymore :-\

But--you should definitely come out and have fun and watch me embarrass myself!
It's at Buckboards in Malta and kicks off @ 8pm. Costumes are optional, but encouraged ;-)

3--

I'm on week 3 of my diet and I have made a good amount of progress :-) Here's the run down--Lost 5lbs, 3 1/2inches off my chest, 4 3/4 inches in my hips and 3% body fat...I'm not where I want to be but I'm definitely on my way :-D


Ok I think that's good for now..back to some homework!


<3 always

I'm taking my freedom, Putting it in my car, Wherever I choose to go, It will take me far...

Hey All!

Happy October!

So I know it has been a couple (more) weeks since I wrote anything, but, as always, it's been crazy.

It's midterm time @ school and so far so good. I'm doing well, although not as I would like...I'm passing everything with flying colors, and that's the most important part.

I hate my full-time job. I love my residents, and most of the people I work with but the hours, the b.s, and usual work politics are just not longer worth the stress, my health or the pay.

That being said, I have applied for new jobs, specifically one at a local hospital that would be much better for me since I am in nursing school. So I'm really crossing my fingers! In the mean time...I'll just keep looking..

As far as the radio stuff goes...

I've been back on JAMZ a few times in the past couple week ( :-D ), I now do nights on 100.3 the Point and I'm still on 104.9 The Cat on Sunday nights. I love having things do to....I feel needed/wanted..and it's just a great feeling....a change from my other mood.

In other news at the station...

I'm doing a great thing with Gold's Gym...the 30-Day Solution.

I've been on a diet for 2 weeks, and up til me getting sick this week I've been working out 4-5 days a week.
The best things about this---I've been feeling better about me and seeing results!!

I've done lots of different group exercise classes and having so much fun!

Feel free to ask me if you have questions about it....i <3 it!!

Anyway...in the mean time...I am trying to rid my body of a horrible sinus infection so my hard work isn't lost and I can get back on track.

Back to bed for me....

comments/thoughts/etc are always welcome :-)

I'mma be I'mma be I'mma I'mma I'mma be...

I apologize for the neglect of a new blog in almost 2 weeks...school has been kicking my butt and so has work (both jobs!)

I have a lot of new and exciting things going on in my life and you will know all about it very very shortly...I promise...

One major thing that I am SUPER excited about will be shared with everyone...on a whole new level for me...and will allow me to get up close and personal with even more people...I'm so happy about it...although I cannot give you specifics just yet. Sorry!

I just hope, once I can share, you will be here to support me, and so much more!

That's all for now...

Back to the homework grind!

I'm burnt out, I've had enough...

Over the past couple weeks I have been doing a lot of heavy handed thinking....if that even makes sense. I cannot seem to write what I want to say down in complete thoughts or paragraphs....I only seem to have success with lists...

I deserve and want someone who loves me NOW...not someone that is with me because it's convenient for them or because I have some how talked them into it...

I want to be happy...whether that means living somewhere else, working in a different way or starting from scratch..I want to be happy and I need it to be on my terms...

I need to be proud of me...in every way...the way I look, act, sound, work, play, etc...everything...

I want a job that doesn't have me working when the rest of the people in my life are not....

I want to have something to show for all the education I have received (in and out of the classroom)...

I want friends that I can count on no matter what's happening, where we are or who we're with...

I need my freedom...

I want to be an adult...to not live with my parents and to be me...

I want a job where I'm recognized and rewarded for the work I do...

I need a car...one that I bought with MY money...

I need to trust my gut..

I need to have more willpower....

I need to find me..


And to those of you that cannot bother to call, or are not "on the same level" as me...well consider this goodbye.

I deserve much better than what I have been settling for...and getting rid of you is step 1 in getting there

You can't stop my shine...

Did you ever reach a point in your life where you think you may actually end up happy, and getting what you want?

What do you do? How do you handle it?

I'm not saying that I think I'm going to get what I have wanted for so long, but something in my gut and in my heart...I don't know....it's...twitching.

Yes, that's the word...twitching.

Like something's about to happen, but you don't know when or how....but it's coming.

School started this week, and maybe it's because I did half of this semester last year and I'm a bit ahead of the game, but I feel much more confident than I did last year. I feel like it's truly the right time.

Here's hoping this works out. I need to "spread my wings" for lack of better words.

I love my family and where I've grown up but I've spent my whole life here...I'm ready for more.

Speaking of more...

On my vacation I realized a lot...specifically that I would/could walk away from my current life and be okay with it...I think I'd be really happy. But only if I could have my vacation life be my real life.

That is a whole other complicating blog.

I just finally know what I REALLY want....and unfortunately, I want it now.

I mean I know I have to wait....I have a year until I'm done with school so I can't do anything yet, but waiting to see "what life has in store" is killing me slowly.